may update

Wow the moment i signed in into my blog account, everything changed. The edit layout is just wow.. very neat. As usual, i haven't got the time to blog about my daily life. I've been very busy with school and now that I've already started work since 2-3 weeks ago, i hardly hang out and what more,  have time for myself. I actually quite like to get myself very occupied, it bores me when I have nothing to do or maybe I slacked for a year that's why I feel like I needed to move about.

For the first 7 weeks in school, I think that my classmates get along with each other very well. Teachers was nice, they doesn't show any favouritism or anything similar. What's important that or MORE OF A SURPRISE TO ME that is the teachers haven't been picking on me. First week yes, attire check ONLY but other than that, WOW I'VE NEVER BEEN PICKED ON BEFORE.

I'm also very glad that I haven't been skipping school. I used alot of methods to keep me motivate every single morning just to get my ass up from the bed. It can get very challenging I must admit. 3 out of 5 days, school starts at 8 and ends at 4-5pm so by the time I reach home, i was already tired as hell. Sometimes I have to drag myself to work after school too -.- But then again, 7 weeks and counting,  100% full attendance, i'm very proud of myself  :)

I joined netball as my cca in school, i always have this love-hate relationship towards netball. I just hate how intensive the training can be but at the end of the day, i really love the fact that i went through all that and what more, feeling super fit (although i know 4 hours of training makes no difference ok shut up). I hope i can keep up with the training days, seems like every lecturers feels that friday is the perfect day for make up lessons and exams T.T I NEED THE CCA HOURS FOR MY NYAA AWARD.

Yeap, i've also applied for the NYAA silver award. Gold would be my first option if it was Mr S.R Nathan i'll be shaking hands with. LOL JUST KIDDING. I need a year to complete this award which includes completing activities such as community service, skills, CCA etc. In other words, ALOT OF CIP HOURS. For a start, i volunteered at the sundown marathon next weekend with some of my classmates! Cant wait! 

Enough serious talk! Nothing much to talk about work. I'll skip that! 

Mad Thrills tonight but i'm not going, cutting down on the clubbing already. Slowly the feeling just fade away you know. Once in a while is fine but every week is KE-RAY-ZI. Steve Aoki is a definite though :)

I'm freaking sleepy right now but i refused to sleep.

HIMYM, NEW GIRL AND THE BIG BANG THEORY MARATHON TONIGHT!!!!

Feeling jumpy tonight

I feel like being in a relationship takes alot of courage to be out there handling your partner's shits. Coming 2 years now, i just want to strangle Sherwin all the fucking time. Yes i can accept him n his flaws (love you baby) but at times, OH MY GOD suddenly there's this weird gush of his lame attitude come at one go & too much for me to handle WTF like chill the fuck out dude!!!! Is this what happens when a long term relationship is building up? Sometimes this things can lead us to an argument but some are just plain stupid to begin one with. I know my behavior also has been taking its toll on him. This is not something bad i believe, i feel like i foresee this as something new for me and my partner to learn how to overcome such situations. But first i need to know is this, hahahahah, even normal in a rs....? Like the feeling just wanna slap your bf then sayang him all over again cos he's too awesome kinda thing? Hahaha. Otherwise, oops never practice violence kids (I keed i never slap my sayang before)

Yguys have a good night <3

I haven't find the right time to spill everything out. I don't know if I could. Everytime I want to pour out my feelings, I just can't seem to find the right words to say. It's eating me up. I can't take it anymore. Lately, I haven't been myself. I just wanna snarl every single time someone speak. Like "SHUT THE FUCK UP, I DON'T WANNA KNOW" and not mean it. I want to take charge but sometimes i just want to sit at a corner of a room, curl up and cry... I don't know why am I feeling this way either. I feel like a failure.

Most of the time, I just want to shut myself out from the world and never come back. & it's not like people are constantly bringing me down. They don't. There's this hatred inside me dying to burst into flames. Have I been strong for too long? Or am I too weak I can't cope with such emotions? Is it about time I just give up and stop taking charge of my own life? Am I allowed to do that? Am I even supposed to feel this way?? I tried pushing aside this negative thoughts but it's not working. Everytime my boyfriend wants to make me feel better, I'm just so stubborn to even let him try which eventually hurt me more.

I hate feeling like this. So many questions not answered. What the fuck is wrong with me?? What the fuck is wrong with me... :"(

Awesome possum thursday

I wasn't satisfied w the mac n cheese i did for Sherwin. I felt like i could do better & i will! :) Today was amazing. Bf & I went to Safra for a swim but we left soon after we hear the thunder. Played arcade before watching the movie. So fun! Many more to come baby! We watched Hunger Game, i have to rate it 3/5. Ate sushi in the cinema like a fucking boss! After the movie, we bought food at pasar malam & sat at one side talk about life. It didn't go pretty well.

But overall, we had so much fun today. I love you, fishball <3

Just sit back & relax

Hello everybody!

Last Friday was my last day of work at Juz. I am certain the decision I made to quit was out of impulse. Nevertheless, no regrets. I feel like I needed this time out. But of course, I'm also already chasing after time. I have to find a job to pay my outstanding hp bill & expenses for school. I'm getting a little bit worried now. Hopefully, I'll find a flexible part time jop asap *fingers cross*

I think it's safe to say that I'm back to my normal self now. I was sick for almost 2 weeks. I had on off high fever & it's damn annoying! Just when i thought i'll get better, I had toothache which then again, leads to fever -.- 2 weekends burnt. I missed Mad Thrills & Sherwin's dad birthday dinner.

But it's all over now. Anyways, I just got back from the house party w the usual party people this afternoon. It was nice.

School's starting in less than a month. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I can pretty much conclude that I didn't put my social skill into a good use the past year. Meh, I wish myself all the best.

I've been thinking too much lately & I don't like what it's turning me into. I have to make sure the moment I wake up tomorrow, I must manage my stress effortlessly. Ugh, +ve thoughts Sha.

Sleeping early tonight, I have errands to run tomorrow. Exhausted. Good night

I need to get a life......like right now

Birthday Shoutout

This post is solely dedicated to my precious boyfriend. First and foremost, I am extremely glad that I am celebrating your birthday for the second time. Especially now its your 21st birthday. This age not only mark the start of your adulthood but it's also the time where you have to be responsible and committed to do things you do too. But that's not the case baby, age is just a number! You (and I) are gonna be forever young at heart! & now that you're gonna start school and work at the same time, I hope we wont be drifted apart from each other. I want you to know that when times get rough, I will be standing by your side walking the road with you like i've always do. I love you b, more than you and i can ever imagine.

Happy 21st birthday. (Happy ORD OH!!!!!! & Happy 20 monthsary) <3

See you later cayang :)

Beware

Alright, here it goes.

The last time I updated my blog was late January & this is what has been happening my life ever since.

The secondary school mates & I celebrated Fidah's 19th. It was a simple celebration but as always, we managed to have so much fun out of it. Part of the surprise was a crown (It was supposed to be a tiara but I couldn't find any), a magic wand HAHA, a HUGE hello kitty balloon her most fav & she simply have to walk around in town wearing and bringing all that. Oh yea, of cos I invited Chad to be part of the surprise too. Yayyyy success!

After the surprise, headed down to Zirca w Sherwin, Rey and Ash. Worst night ever!

Following week, I celebrated Ath's 20th w Shandy. It was nice! Herda gave us the Pizza Hut vouchers, we bought 20 gifts that Ath might like & surprised her w a sinful lava cake topped w vanilla ice cream. Thats it! So much fun! Sigh, bliss. Love my cousins so much!

The next day, I had to go down to Ngee Ann Poly to help Fizah with her school project as a model. I don't have any official pictures yet but this is all I have. I cant wait to see the rest of the pictures. That's Mark btw :)

It was a pretty hectic week for me so on the next consecutive day, I had company dinner at Republic of Yacht Club. I didn't take any pictures. Awesome place & the food was average but since its free, its delicious! HAHAHA

Finally friday night, I spent the day out w my beloved Bf. We had Javiers & catch a movie after a long time. Chronicle is awesome. I wish i had super powers too!! Fly around the world. Sighhhh wishful thinking eh Sha.

Saturday night tiu tiu tiu w SIM kids + Mad Thrills + Ash's 19th = Awesome!!

Last Friday, we celebrated Rey's 19th & went to zouk for Hardwell w the same awesome mates!

Oh btw I did my hair, and cut my fringe too. Hehe!

Had a mini advanced valentine's with Sherwin the day after. We went for steamboat. Baby surprised me w a daisy flower and a box of chocolate! Hehehe!! Thank u syg! I love u!

Well thats about it. Im actually typing in the dark room. Im too lazy to switch on the lights and to ensure there is no typos, I purposely gave a very brief summary about the huu haas! Besides, a picture can speak a 1000 words yeah?

Haha more awesome time to come <3

its a stay home saturday for me today. earlier on, i had a family gathering over at my house. half of the time, i just wanna get it over and done with. damn worn out thanks to a screwed up night at zirca. im glad that the entrance was free. if i were to pay to get in, OMG..fucking waste of money. well, enough of dwelling already, i cant wait for mad thrills next week. celebrating rey's & ash's birthday as well, haha party mates! :P

on another brighter note, i will be getting my pay this coming wed (OMG!!!!!!!!) yes after so long.. i cant wait to fix my stupid hair & get new clothes! and of course, the main highlight of february: my cayang 21st birthday in conjunction w our 20monthsary!! <3

also, wish me luck for my ite application results :/ i usually avoid talking about this matter bcos i can get really nervous just sparing a thought for school :( me so excited for tuesday btw, celebrating ath's birthday w the cousins!!

last but not least, life has never been better. less drama & attention, just the way i fancy it :) cheers to a better month ahead

the dragon year!

obviously, there's too much negativity going on in this space of mine but tonight, i will turn everything around! im so sick and tired of expecting good to happen! so FUCK IT~ no more paying so much attention on my stupid problems, now im gonna focus on goals and most importantly, solutions! because when i stress about my problems, i forgot about the best things i have in life such as my family, cousins, boyfriend, close friends & a damn awesome lepak job!

currently, im waiting for ite to call me up for my course interview! im very nervous the fact that its ald 22nd (ite results on the 30th) & i havent got an email or whatsoever yet UNLESS, 30th is the date to know that im shortlisted for an interview :/ idk, if i wont get any call for the interview, i will appeal again!! OMG I REALLY WANNA GO TO SCHOOL. its been a year!!

i've been busy with work these days mainly bcos i chose to, need the money for february!

(boyfriend's birthday) HEHE so damn excited for my january pay! cant wait to pay my bill & do my hair.. ALSO, i really wanna go to future music fest this 17 march @ sepang!!!! MUST GO, awesome artistes line up.. im bummed (for 2 PRIOR reasons) to use my remaining jan pay to purchase the early bird tix but its damn cheap!!!!

and as u all know, today is the eve of cny! met bf early afternoon, had mcd + ironman 2 + shopped at ntuc w vouchers haha yay! after which i accompanied him to town to meet nic before they left for their reunion dinner! working 1-10pm tmr till thursday ERGH DREAD DREAD DREAD!!

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEARS EVERYBODY!! EAT MORE ORANGE SO CAN GET MORE MONEY AHHAHAHA MY MANAGER SAY TO ME ONE K BABAI

the +ve side of me

Lately, I don't have one. I'm sorry

feet don't fail me now

I feel there's alot more better things for me to worry such as, school and money. ESPECIALLY SCHOOL AND MONEY. It's only been a week or two, who's counting!, and I'm already feeling so fucked up about everything. I have to be a daughter, granddaughter, ice cream scooper, student, friend and girlfriend at the same fucking time. Everyone expect so much from me. Who the fuck am I?! I must take care of each and everyone of your feelings and not even mine! Well guess what, I'm about to self destruct anytime sooner if any of you step on my fucking toes. It's fucking annoying when everyone want so much from me when they don't do the slightest shit about it at all.

Lately, I worry so much what the fuck my boyfriend do behind my back. I have to cater to his feelings at the same time I dont want to. I want him to stay but I dont want him to! I also just came back from a school & I was told that I can apply online when no!!!, I'm supposed to go to the HQ & apply for school. But wait, I already have a tight schedule ahead, how the fuck am i supposed to run this school errand? & I suppose I can't bail my manager now? I need the money too.

People expect me to relax. Yes, I want to, badly. I want to wake up the next day and couldn't careless about my worries but I can't. I CAN'T. & it's extremely sad to know that I am doing my very best but I'm still here, still not going anywhere. Stagnant!

I am getting older does not mean I am getting stronger. Mentally, yeah sure why not. I am already trying so hard to figure out the wiser things in life. I'm desperate. I'm getting out of control. I'm so fucking confused and no one is here to give two fucks about how I feel. Right now, I just wanna shut myself out from the world.

Oh wait, is anyone out there? Yeah there is, making their way towards me just to demotivate the fuck out of me.

You're right, I'm selfish. You're the best thing that ever happen to me in my whole life. I think I've emphasize so many times on how much i fucking love you. Yknow i will do anything to prove you that I value this relationship more than anyone else. This is real, everything about you and me it's real. I'm crying and I really wish you were here wiping away my tears and tell me everything will be okay. Right now, I feel like this is forever and I don't want it to ever end. I hope you know there's alot I sacrifice to make our relationship work, just as much as the effort you've already put in for the past 18 months. I will never get the idea of how a perfect relationship is because I've never been in one. & if i have a choice, i will leave perfect behind just to be with you. Love is a beautiful disaster & it's okay if I'm already wounded by the mistakes we did in this relationship. I know it's all worth it.

But right now..., i'm starting to lose touch. I don't feel it. Lately things hasn't been well & I'm always the one who wanna make things right.I managed to put aside my ego for awhile & try not to screw things up. Although now I already screw things up, i'm glad we talked about that matter otherwise I won't know anything at all. You're breaking my heart, Sherwin. I don't know what to do. I'm lost. So confused & I don't know if I can do this anymore

I'm sorry, I've stopped giving a fuck. Have a good day, motherfuckers.

Maybe she's better. Maybe I try too hard. Maybe you don't need me. Maybe I still need you. Maybe I did my best. Maybe she don't even have to do anything at all. Maybe I need the money but maybe I just don't. Maybe I'm unfriendly. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe you hate me. Maybe the world doesn't revolve around me. Maybe I like you. Maybe I'm not cool enough for you. Maybe I'm flirting. Maybe I wasn't. Maybe I'm ugly. Maybe I just want the attention. Maybe I thought you're nice. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I miss you. Maybe I don't miss you at all. Maybe I wanna be different. Maybe that's not me at all. Maybe I'm poor. Maybe I'm rich. Not of gold but of knowledge. Maybe I'm stupid. Maybe I'm jealous. Maybe not, maybe you are the one who's fucking jealous. Maybe my dream is stolen. Maybe its yours as well. Maybe everyone want to be cool. Maybe everyone is cool. Maybe I'm immature. Maybe I do have a problem. Maybe I've seen enough. Maybe not. Maybe, there's still alot more to be seen.

Merry 18thmas'ary!

Today, Sherwin & I spent our late afternoon having a rainy picnic. We celebrated xmas & our advanced anni celebration. Damn relieved it was only drizzling when I arrived. We had nuggets for appetiser (HAHA), spaghetti for main entree & pancakes for dessert. Yes, I purposely chose to have a 3 course set menu for the picnic just to invite the +ve xmas vibe which is really damn fail. After which, we took pictures here and there then bused down to Dhoby to grabbed brownies for Sherwin. Slacked around w Fairytale & headed home. Early night.

Merry Christmas! :)

I spent my 18th with Sherwin. He got me the huge fruit tart cake, how sweet when i could really use just a slice. Nevertheless, it was simple & lovely (the way I fancy it). I broke my ladies night virgin last night with Sherwin & Reyro since none of our friends are able to make it for the party. Ladies night was...horrible. I tried to enjoy the music but attempt damn fail until Inquisitive started spinning which was really relieving. Not for long, a fight hyped up the atmosphere & honestly it was fucking shit I was alrd feeling uncomfortable & scared. We left Zirca right after, grabbed our last sip..was hanging out and bam! another drama started again. Zzzz after which, we went home.

Damn flattering Reyro & Sherwin promised to make it up to me for another party session since last night was suck ass -.- Looking forward to it :)

Our Batam Trip

First day was awesome. We went for parasailing & ate quite alot. We had pizzas. The pizza was fine, it is not something that you can see in singapore with thick cut chili padis in it. HAHA. There is really nothing much for the highlight of the day 'cept for the water activity that we did. Oh yeah, we cycled from harris hotel to the shophouses beside waterfront terminal to get some food. & that's when we realized that we spent so much more at the hotel minimart earlier in the morning -.- Lesson to be learn: NEVER BUY ANYTHING FROM THE HOTEL MINIMART. Pizza & 30minutes of cycling was part of the package so why not! I can't say that the dinner was brilliant but it was fairly good. Shared the main dishes we ordered among ourselves and surprisingly we were full to the brim! Just hanged around in the hotel room, watch some tv & again, consume alot of fattening food which at that point of time, it doesn't really matter.


Breakfast was exceptionally fulfilling. There was waffle, fried bee hoon and alot more! Waited an hour or less then bam! we took the bus to nagoya shopping centre. The first thing we did was ESKA. It is $3 higher for the manicure there than in Singapore(not including the tax). Scrub was good too! I like their service though, they were very quick at responding my enquiries plus very friendly people. After pampering ourselves, we ate at A&W & missed the bus back to Harris which was at 2pm (Batam time). Shopped for the loved ones, there wasn't really nothing nice to get or fancy so we bought alot of food. While my cousins went to shop for themselves, I was admiring a watch that in the end I bought for Sherwin although I was already mad broke. I was glad he like it alot though. HEHE. Bought Bakso & Nasi Ayam Penyet then cabbed to the hotel for $17. We wanted to bowl at night but we let it pass so we stayed in and AGAIN WATCH SOME TV AND SLEEP. As the night gets younger, it got pretty interesting. All of us became lizard slayer. HAHAHAHAHAHA

I swear this very simple getaway with my cousins is something i need to escape myself from the busy city. I am looking forward for more outings like this w my cousins in the future!!

Okay pardon me, i'm too sleepy to continue this post.

Nothing exciting happened the past few days 'cept for the short trip with my cousins which went very well, although being greeted with disappointing news from Sherwin was major upsetting if you count that as something interesting.

I was supposed to meet Tiara today but both of us bailed or maybe it's just me because I knew about this and didn't remind her of anything. Lol. Guilty!

I'm so not in the mood for anything fancy now, just wanna stone.

I will update about Batam once Syirah uploaded the pictures.

Back home from the short getaway & reality...reality never taste this bitter before. :(